Things that started to scare me

1.
Am I a sociopath?
Do I not get what others feel?
Have I ever felt a real emotion? From the bottom of my heart?
Have I ever had a genuine feeling that makes me feel alive or humane?

Whenever I expressed my condolence, gratitude, sorrow, or joy for other's experience, in the hind sight, I said things in a certain tone that I learnt to use in a specific situation, not the ones that were exuded from my heart.

What is wrong with me?



2.
I think I do not have a personal life. At all.
In fact, I do not know what it means by 'personal' because there is nearly no subject that I would not discuss in public or with a stranger.
I love sharing my experience and thoughts on it with others. Those are thoughts that came out of my mind, so it basically makes them my 'personal' opinion. And, I am more than willing to share them with people. If I do that, would they not be my personal story any more? To have some privacy, even if you do not mind sharing, do you have to hide something in your sleeves? Like refrain from speaking publicly about the subject?



3.
If I add up all hours that I have spent watching TV this year alone, it will outnumber the hours I have spent studying. But, the hours that I pushed myself to study and felt guilty about eventually failing at it will surpass the total time of TV watching.